It’s not so much a goodbye…

Beware the Space Kraken.

Right then, Kraken-lovers. I have a nadge-worth of news for you. You have to prepare yourself though. Those of you who love me may have to be sedated while those of you who hate me may invert yourselves with joy. Ready? I’m scaling down my blog posts. That’s right, instead of hollering the word ‘fuck-nugget’ at  t’web several times a week I’m now only going to do it as and when I feel enraged enough to stab at my keyboard like a meth-addled woodpecker.

Here’s why: I’ve opened my online shop Kraken Kreations and to cut a short story even shorter it’s taking up a shit load of my time, so much time that I’m now swearing at my sewing machine rather than the online world of cyber-knobs. You see, Kraken Kreations is the product of the hundreds of hours I spend in my sewing shed creating home and fashion accessories. It started as post-breakdown therapy and has now morphed into a teeny tiny business, one which I hope will pay enough to keep me supplied with rum. I reckon it’s my one stab at becoming a productive member of society again (a thought which made Conjugal Kraken strain his gusset with mirth). It may at last lead to my world domination or it may lead to me being repatriated into my local psychiatric unit. Watch, as they say, this space.

Course, The Kraken will live on and if you want to check out my products for the love of fuck do so. You’ll love ‘em, not least because I am now a one-woman campaign against the ditzy bloody print. Not only am I using fabrics so bright that they shit mercilessly over anything dainty and floral, but I’m using patterns that do actual damage to actual eyes. In other words, they are grown up designs for grown up people – mainly women – who are sick of being told that tampon bags should be discreet. I’m even sewing swear words on some of my goodies and am so open to commissions that my gynaecologist has broken into a sweat. Laptop cases, totes, toiletry bags, sky pockets, bunting, iPad cases, sports bags, stuffed birds, lightening bolts… whatever you want, just let me know.

Anyway, what was I saying? That’s it, The Kraken Wakes will now be The Kraken Dozes While Waking Occasionally When ITV Patronises Her.  So when I do post from here on in it really should be worth the wait.



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6 Responses to It’s not so much a goodbye…

  1. Helen says:

    Good luck with the new venture Cath. I am sure you will do well. As a crafter myself I know how many hours of hard labour it takes from sourcing, designing, making, photograhphing, uploading, promoting and finally selling. And you might find writing blog posts rather a doddle compared to the crafting lark:) So here’s to future success.

  2. Best of luck with this new venture – if it becomes half as successful as your blog, it’ll be a worthwhile challenge for you.

    CJ x

  3. Lucy says:

    Quite frankly I’d be disappointed in anything less. Cannot wait to see your creations so that I can feel my eyeballs explode on contact. Good luck!

  4. Bloody good luck (and here’s to eye watering-ly bright prints taking over the world and knocking cupcakes (they’re fairy cakes FFS) and 1950s home making into remission)

  5. Joan Taylor says:

    Good luck with the business Cath, will check it out asap. Such a pity about your blog as just today I spied this product that I was sure you would want to have a go at (if you had time).

    Not sure why that did not work as a link, but to cut a long story short, it is Amazon advertising pens for women. Like we need our own fucking pens, for our little teensy-tiny hands, to go with what Amazon clearly think are our teensy-tiny brains. Anyway, the comments are a hoot, so scoot along if you get a bit.

    Best of luck with both business and here’s hoping for the odd blog as well. You have provided me with enough new curse words and I cannot thank you enough. :)

  6. Joan Taylor says:

    Talking bollocks, it is working as a link. I am sure you will be delighted to know that the pens are pastel coloured (what else) and fit for women’s smaller hands. Well these smaller hands would fit around whatever Amazon a̶r̶s̶e̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ executive who decided that we need our own special pens neck quite comfortably I reckon. Note: this is a joke just in case NSA or GSHQ are looking in.

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