There’s nothing like a scabrous trend to make me unhinged and thanks to the glorious pointing and waving of Cathy Bussey I am more unhinged than usual. You see Cathy had the misfortune of searching for ‘motherhood’ on a stock picture site and was greeted with this, a pregnant woman draped with all manner of flora as if conception was performed by fairies and elves. It coincided with me seeing this picture of the pregnant Giselle Bundchen on TMZ, a site drooling over her fecund sexiness.
So what in the fuck is with the sexifying of pregnant women? You’d think that for the nine months that women are pregnant we’d be free of the pressures of trying to look shaggable but no, we’re not. We now have to look sexy, alluring and ever ‘up for it’ which to most pregnant women is the equivalent of asking us to rope our way up Everest by our pubic hairs.
There’s already enough pressure upon women to have the perfect pregnancy. If the endless baby books don’t overwhelm us then the simpering smiles of catalogue mothers do. And even if we do master the art of glowing while we have the vomit of morning sickness pooling in our cleavage, now we also have to look like we fancy a shag to boot.
Somehow our society has evolved to the point of shitting upon the very people who perpetuate our society. Women have the sole task – apart from the 30 seconds just before conception – of creating new human beings. We spend nine months growing arms and legs, tiny spleens, new brains and entire digestive systems with human skulls using our bladders as pillows and tiny feet using our lungs as socks. And you want us to be sexy?
And this isn’t about how women want to look. Don’t start barking at me about why women shouldn’t look good during pregnancy. Believe me, if a woman wants to stumble into a delivery suit in her Laboutins and Agent Provocateur bra, that’s up to her. And is she does feel sexy, great. Shag, shag, shag away.
This, though, is about women feeling that they must look how someone else wants them to look. For years pregnant women have been pushed into looking gorgeous, glowing, excited and delighted but sexy as well? It’s as if the worth of a pregnant woman, socially, has become whether she can still pull.
How many of us are ever going to look like Giselle Bundchen when we’re knocked up? Or as if we’ve just wafted out of the Garden of Eden? When I was pregnant I was more likely to look as if I’d been attacked by the Garden of Eden’s lawnmower. So the next time we’re assaulted by the pressure to be sexy and pregnant, I suggest we collectively release a loud fart. Giselle is welcome to it.
So what do you think? Are you happy to make yourself sexy when pregnant or so you think it’s one more pressure that women can do without? You know where the comment box is…