Porn Torn

Dave

Look, you know by now that the heatwave has made me sweat so much that I have developed an acute case of trench-tit. Problem is that I’m also starting to wonder if it’s made me develop sweat on the brain. That’s because of an interview Jane Garvey conducted with David Cameron PM (with PM being the initials for Poor-Moitherer) on Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour. You see, in said interview he blathered his plans for regulating online porn yet said that he had no problem with pictures of topless women on page three of The Sun. Now this means one of two things: either Dave likes to spaff one out over Kelly from Slough in between Early Day Motions or he’s throwing the nation’s womenfolk under the bus.

It’s enough the make the No More Page 3 campaign shit nuggets of rage. You see, in the last few days Cameron has shot his political wad all over the nation, announcing that most UK households will have pornography blocked by their t’web provider unless they actively choose to, er, receive it. He’s also said that owning online rape porn will be illegal while calling for “horrific” search terms to be blacklisted. Yet when quizzed about his stance on naked women in newspapers he said, “We have to always ask the question where should we regulate and where shouldn’t we regulate, and I think on this one I think it is probably better to leave it to the consumer. In the end it’s an issue of personal choice whether people buy a newspaper or don’t buy a newspaper.”

What in the dripping embogglement of delirious fuck is going on? So according to Cameron it’s not OK to access porn in the privacy of your own back bedroom (leaving aside for now the moral arguments surrounding porn) but it is OK for you to openly ogle at pouting, naked women in your living room while your kids play at your feet. Perhaps the man mistook a mug of discarded bong water for his morning champagne and has had some sort of cerebral meltdown where he’s actually happier for children to see tits in supermarkets than he is for men to see foofery pokery in their own bathrooms.

More than that if, for Cameron, all of this hinges on consumer choice then why is he taking a monumental shit on the choice of parents and children to not see pornographic images of women when they so much as nip into Tesco for a lottery ticket. We’re hardly asking for the moon to stop orbiting the Earth are we? The last time I bought magazines with Kraken Junior (Doc McStuffins for her in the children’s section, Cloth for me in the hobbies section) I had to take such a complex and indirect route around the nip-offering tit-wagglers of the front pages, Nuts and Zoo that we’d have been quicker crawling to fucking Wapping.

Worse, page three images aren’t just for the delectation of the guy who buys them. Christ knows, if they were I wouldn’t want to douse Rupert Murdoch’s bollocks in turps before setting them alight. The images are actually for the delectation of everyone whether they want to see bare E-cups or not. Think of the blokes reading The Sun on trains and buses or in cafes who have no compunction about the children around them being exposed to such overtly sexual images that The Sun should start printing vouchers for therapy sessions. They may as well settle into a corner of Starbucks with a latte, muffin and a freshly minted issue of Razzle. At least that magazine doesn’t parade itself as news before assaulting unsuspecting five year olds with variously enhanced mammarians.

Yet Cameron is comfortable with that. And there I was fretting about the Tory party being a threat to the poor and the disabled when really it’s a threat to women, exactly half of the nation’s population. Fuck knows, the party is so outdated that perhaps it has forgotten that women have the vote at all and can tell the Tories where to shove their Sun-lovin’ ways come the next election.

Then again, I’d expect nothing less of Cameron. His refusal to protect his own daughters from The Sun’s telling men that, when his girls are grown, they are ripe for sexual assault is probably something he agreed to while employing  as his communications director Andy Coulson, editor of sister paper News of the World, and horse riding with Rebekah Brooks who was previously editor of The Sun itself. It looks like he’s made a deal with the devil.

Which means that our Prime Minister is as screwed-up as those people who think that page three doesn’t portray women fuck fodder at all. It also shows him to be deleteriously out of touch with what constitutes respect for women. Unless he proves himself to be utterly at ease with his own children staring at page three the next time he’s photographed with them on a day out it’s not just online porn that should bother him. It’s the fact that he is best friends with the nation’s most popular perverts.

This entry was posted in Culture, Parenting, Sexism and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Porn Torn

  1. CeliaD says:

    And of course DC’s response to you would merely be ‘calm down dear’. He’s used it before – patronising git.

  2. Kate Sutton says:

    My 9 year old son will often see pics of scantily clad women on the TV, in newspapers etc and say, “Ooooh, she’s sexy.” After a swift clip round the ear, I’m like WTAF? a. he doesn’t even know what ‘sexy’ means. b. there is literally NO escape from these type of pics. Makes my head hurt.

  3. Can'tThinkofanAvatar says:

    On the train home from work t’other day, around 5:30pm, London Cannon Street to Greenwich, standing there quietly sweating and trying not to faint in the heat and BOOM suddenly a pair a nekkid tits and a barely-covered groin were *literally* shoved in my face by a guy reading The Sun. I really did not need that. And I find it offensive that someone else can decide when I view pornography because Page 3 is out there in the public realm. Surely, that is my decision, and shouldn’t be at the mercy of the whims of anyone else?!

  4. Lucy says:

    I did notice, while in our local co-op the other day, that they had special boards over the covers of Zoo and Nuts, to protect small eyes. I wish they weren’t the only place I’d seen them though.

  5. richard jenkins (@dreamofthought) says:

    My little boy said ‘look daddy they are making love” and he’s 6!
    after watching some kids tv show!
    I live in France and adverts for soap, shampoo, ladies soaps, and perfumes all show naked women .Prime time. Every day.

    Tits are for feeding babies or for the bedroom, or Perv free nudist beaches. End of.
    Not for pictures in magazines or internet or whatever else.

    Call me Dave is just a sexist pig. He said that it was 77 years since someone British had won Wimbledon, but its not as a British woman won it in 1969 and 1977…..

  6. Sarah says:

    I remember when I was young, sitting watching my mum draw bras on the women in The Sun with felt tip pens because she knew my brothers would try and get a sneaky peek when the paper was left unattended for 5 minutes.

    I used to giggle about it then, but I didn’t actually stop to think about the impact of seeing naked women plastered over newspapers on ME! My mum, bless her, probably thought it’s just a woman’s body; a young girl seeing it doesn’t matter quite so much as stopping my brothers developing an unhealthy view of women at such a young age. But unwittingly, I was exposed repeatedly to the idea that men will see me, a female, as a sex object and that society says its ok for men to do that, I mean look – they’ve been doing it for years in the newspapers!

    Tragic… really. How does Cameron have this concept of responsibility and choice all backwards? People should be responsible for the safety of their children in their own homes, on their home internet connection where these kinds of blocks and security measures are available to everyone to set up for themselves. However, page 3 and other bottom shelf sexually explicit newspapers are beyond our control, unless we avoid every newsagent, supermarket and petrol station etc, our children seeing explicit content is entirely out of our control and definitely should be regulated by law.

    Really, I don’t get it… How can he have it so arse backwards?? It beggars belief.

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