Going for a Song

Robin Thicke @ Yahoo! Music 1

Dear Robin Thicke

(CCd to Pharrell and TI)

Oh, Robin, you are a massively suppurating bowl of stool-water aren’t you? In fact I can now see where the name Thicke comes from. It’s not so much a moniker as a statement of your mental prowess, bless you and you underworked intellect.

Now I’ve no doubt that you are chuffed to shit over the pop-picking hit you currently share with Pharrell and TI called Blurred Lines, or as it is called in our house Three Men Caterwauling As They Finger Their Own Foreskins. And I dare say that you’re almost (no, literally) creaming yourself over the accompanying video in which every woman is naked and letting her tits flap in the wind. It’s just that there’s a small problem with all of this, Robin, love. It’s that your video and song lyrics look like a rapist’s manifesto.

Now you reckon that Blurred Lines is “throwaway fun” and that you and Pharrell have “a lot of respect for women”. You also claim that the tit-soup of a video isn’t sexist and that “If that’s sexism then so is everything inside the Louvre”. Jesus, Robin, Thicke really is the word of the day isn’t it?

First, before I really start to kick the shit out of you, you need to know that you should never, ever compare yourself to anyone whose art hangs in the Louvre. See, that would be the equivalent of saying that if next door’s dog pissed into a test tube his efforts would be comparable with those of Stephen Hawking. They wouldn’t be and, artistically, neither are yours.

Which brings me to your vomited lyrics. Now you reckon that you have respect for women. Problem is that your song doesn’t. In fact it has as much respect for women as an enraged Jim Davidson after hearing that his summer season slot has gone to a female comedian. You sing, “I know you want it” (as if you’re fucking telepathic), “I hate these blurred lines” (because for you “no” means “yes”), “I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two” (like the promise of raging constipation), “He don’t smack your ass and pull your hair for you” (well, I’d stab the bastard if he did) and “Baby, can you breathe?” (because a near death experience at the hands of a guy who refuses to stop is always a treat).

Seriously, if that’s respect for women what in the fuck would you warble at a woman you didn’t like? I had no idea that the way to show a woman that you love her was by destroying her rectum and choking her with your knackersack. And there I was showing my female friends and relatives that I love them by buying them flowers. Next time I’ll nip into Soho for a ball-gag and a gallon drum of rohipnol.

Oh, and before I sign off I have to also thank you for making the charts as accessible to kids as a sandpit loaded with fly-sprinkled cat turds. What I mean is that I’ll be buggered if my small daughter is going to get a whiff of the Top 40 after this. Now, Robin, I’m not suggesting that you write about fairies, monster trucks and Lego but I am suggesting that you get the hell away from the subject of rape. Really, at the age of five, my child does not need to be told that you’re going to screw her whether she likes it or not.

Which means, Robin, that you can take your Blurred Lines and shove them up you own arse, hopefully tearing that in two as well. Oh, and you can treat Pharrell and TI to the same experience while you’re at it. No, you say? Well I don’t believe you. In the words of your own barf “I know you want it”.

Lots of love

The Kraken x

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23 Responses to Going for a Song

  1. Ruth says:

    They are a trio of fucktards. The video of three fully dressed, fully grown men pawing some naked teenagers isn’t sexist because he respects women? Yeah, I have a healthy respect for pit bull terriers, doesn’t mean I don’t hate them. At the end of the video, balloons spell out “Robin Thicke has a big dick”. Right then. Let’s see it then sunshine. No, I didn’t think so. It’s only girls young enough to be your daughter that ought to feel the breeze on their nethers. Also, as a rule of thumb, those with big dicks don’t need to go on about it.

    His other defence is that his wife says it’s OK. Next up, “I’m can’t be racist because some of my friends are black”. Just because your wife is foolish enough to put up with this shit doesn’t make it OK, and just because she’s been graced with your cock does not make her the voice of a gender.

    When even Ken Bruce on Radio 2 plays the song and then questions after playing the song if this is really the 21st century, and that view is backed up by white van man callers to his show, you know that you’re not exactly the woman-empowering warrior you think you are.

    As I have said on Twitter, I believe that Robin’s obvious issues with women stem from his insecurity engendered by looking like an ugly Rick Astley, which is going some. Oh, and his no doubt tiny cock.

    And the worst thing of all? I really, really like the song. I just want to be able to enjoy it, but can’t because it’s written and performed by utter cock knockers about being cock knockers encouraging other cock knockers to be even bigger cock knockers.

    • The Kraken says:

      Oh God! You had me at “fucktards”. Every word you have written is spot on. And I had no idea that even Ken Bruce was boggled by it. That says it all I reckon. In fact, I reckon I should have just asked you to guest blog for me. You beauty,Ruth!

  2. Dearbail says:

    Everything about that is fucking awesome!!! Thanks so much for writing that. Now I’m going to publish the link on that monumental asshole’s Twitter feed.

  3. Amy s says:

    My ears pricked up about this song’s vile word vomit when Sara cox said on radio 1 that she wasn’t sure about the lyrics….then I devoured this post and realised that robin thick with his not so big dick is a prick.

  4. Rootietoot says:

    OH wow I am so thankful to be out of the musical loop.

  5. John Adams says:

    Great blog post. I fear I’m too tired to go on a major rant but no, just no. I absolutely do not want my daughters listening to this shite. I despise the creeping misogyny in the music scene and the casual acceptance of rape is a step far too far. “Split your ass in two”? I mean come the fuck on, how foul is that? Respect women? My arse.

    • The Kraken says:

      You said it John. You said it. I have no idea what it would be like for my five year old kraken to hear this song then ask me what it means. What in the fuck would I say? This isn’t even about squeaky clean chart songs (the charts are always full of angst and that’s the way it should be), it’s about not glamorising issues like rape. Look at it this way, I remember when Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood was banned and the lyrics for that were not a patch on Blurred Lines. So whay hasn’t this been banned?

  6. Muddling Along says:

    I cannot believe that any person with half a brain cell could think that this is anything other than wrong wrongity wrong – those lyrics aren’t ok because his wife doesn’t mind them, they are wrong and both he and his wife need a rapid lesson in what appropriate behaviour and respect

  7. susan says:

    So i usually don’t voice my opinion but this seems to be a little bit on the far side. It was actually the female director that suggested the nude version of the video not Robin Thicke. He voiced he wanted the ladies to be clothed so that the video could actually get some air play. Also, he has admitted that the nude version was for shock and publicity. So that is no surprise, the surprise is that people actually had to be shocked into listening to his body of work. He has been writing and singing for over 15 years and yet, it took a pair of breasts for people to listen to him. What does this say about Joe Public? All his music up to this point has been about the celebration of marriage, relationships and praising women in general but i never saw one article about that on this or any other “female uplifting ” site. Are we only suppose to demean and acknowledge the wrong without celebrating the right? And also why is no one pointing fingers at Ms. Martel? Could it be that you are afraid it would not benefit your view point to show that the idea came from a woman? Just a thought.. I do find it kind of humorous that a place known for celebrating the sexist comedy of Benny Hill doesnt get the irony of this Robin Thicke video. Where is your disertation about his lyric ” My lady don’t lift things, open doors, stand alone,Not when she with me” or is that not controversial enough?

    • The Kraken says:

      Thanks for your comment Susan. When I wrote about my hatred of this song it wasn’t to court controversy, it was simply because it angered me (and still does), and in exactly the same way that Benny Hill angers me. And, now that you mention it, in the way that his female director has pissed me off. If I had known that a woman was also behind this I’d have raged at her too. Oh, and as for your assertion that his lyric “my lady don’t lift things…” is acceptable, I don’t agree with you on that either. I find those words as patronising as I find Blurred Lines offensive. In all I find Thicke a bleak throwback to 1975 and he’s going to come up with something brilliant to change my mind about that.

  8. susan says:

    why does that lyric offend you? Do you believe being chivalrous is an insult?

    • The Kraken says:

      I believe that the attitude that women are the weaker sex is an insult. Respect is wonderful, of course it is. However the way that this is demonstrated is often a problem.

  9. Clarissa says:

    Although not really side-splitting, the whole Benny Hill ‘joke’ was that he was a pervy old sweaty man chasing scantily-clad women around, so he was really just taking the piss out of himself. The delightful Robin Thicke on the other hand, actually does believe he is God’s gift. Don’t see how the female director argument makes any difference really. I’m sure she, and the luvverly ladeez in the video, will peddle out the old line about it being ‘empowering’ which is of course a load of tosh.

    Robin thicke though. What a c***.

    • The Kraken says:

      Thank you. I am sick of being told that accepting this behaviour is empowering because it fucking well isn’t.

  10. Das_Beard says:

    I think a song about fairies and Lego would be fucking mint. Love the post, but I have to admit, love the song too. Probably a comment on the duality of man. You know……The Jungian thing, sir.

    • The Kraken says:

      That’s a shit excuse but I’ll happily collaborate on a fairy/ Lego song. now, what rhymes with brick..?

  11. GZ says:

    And nobody connects the vulgarity of these lyrics with the vulgarity of Miley Cyrus’ performance at the video awards?

    Robin Thicke and Miley are both pandering to the Black pop community, which has long glamorized Pimping as an art form, and which is based on the stereotype that all that Women really need is a big dick in order to unleash their inner Hoe/Whore. And Robin is just the dude to give it to them, along with pulling their hair and slapping their asses.

    Why does nobody point out that Pimping a woman and respecting them hardly go hand in hand?

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