Category Archives: Parenting

The perils, angst and blind panic of spawning

Poo Sticks

  When it comes to the No Shit Sherlock school of journalism, the story that the anvil-haired Simon Cowell is refusing to change nappies after the soon-to-be birth of his scion is up there with the Daily Mail waving pitchforks … Continue reading

Posted in Parenting, Personal | Tagged , | 6 Comments

Park Life

  You know, as a kraken I don’t weep tears of joy often but I am awash with the drippy little fuckers thanks to the start of the new school term. As much as I delight in the ample madness … Continue reading

Posted in Culture, Parenting, Personal, Public | Tagged , | 19 Comments


Oh, thank fuckety fuck for that. The school holidays are over and I can go back to taking hour-long shits during the day without a small child asking me if we can fashion entire city-scapes from a torn Cornflakes box … Continue reading

Posted in Culture, Parenting, Sexism | Tagged , | 11 Comments

Road to Hell

  Thank you for asking and yes, I did have a rather fabulous time at the seaside last week. I slathered my tentacles in Ambre Solaire’s factor cardigan, drank the vinegar that pooled at the bottom of my chip cones … Continue reading

Posted in Parenting | Tagged , | 2 Comments

Cover Story

  NB: When I wrote the below post OK magazine hadn’t apologised for being fat-hating wank-tassels. They still haven’t. They have, though, backtracked like steamrollers stuck in reverse. I shall still treat you to my outpourings, however. No, there’s no … Continue reading

Posted in Culture, Parenting, Sexism | Tagged , , | 5 Comments