Look, can somebody send me a paper bag to breathe into because Morrisons have induced in me an attack of such proportions that I think I’ve lost a lung. See it’s the ads, the fucking ads. And this time it’s not the thousand-yard stare of Freddie Flintoff or the bug-eyed glory-whore called Richard Hammond that’s done it for me. Blame instead the new ad campaign that the store is unleashing for Crimbo because it’s focus is “on the role that mum plays”.

Yes, you read that right. The word “mum”. Not “the mum” but just “mum” because, hell, why get shoppers on your side by flogging decent veg when you can just patronise the fuck out of them instead. You want to know what else Morrisons and it’s ad agency DKLW Lowe says about this monumental ad-shag? “We have blah a lot of blah this year developing blah festive blah and Christmas blah, so that mums can feed their families…”. Well Morrisons, I hate to tell you this to you but your ad agency has done the equivalent of breaking into your supermarkets and shitting vindaloo-induced turds into your grape displays.

You know, if I didn’t think the bile would sting my face I’d weep tears of the stuff. At what point did the ad agency and then the Morrisons execs think that this campaign was a good idea? Why did no one stand up and say a) referring to “mum” rather than “the mum” is patronising bollocks, b) mothers are actually women who know how to shop without you referring to their uterine produce and c) your insistence that Crimbo dinner is down to women alone is outdated, misguided and really, really having a big fucking laugh.

It’s like that Iceland slogan “That’s why mums go to Iceland”. Oh just fuck off will you? You think referring to me as ‘mum’ and comparing me to the media-roadkill that is Kerry Katona is going to induce me to buy your sausage rolls?

What is this media obsession with “mums” and the idea that it’s OK to cast aside every other aspect of a woman’s life just to flog food? How often do you see “dads” mentioned in advertising? Exactly, because men are never just seen as dads are they. They’re instead viewed as a complex mix of traits and personalities and lifestyles. And I can’t remember the last time I saw a supermarket lure in men by reducing them to the produce of their own ballsacks.

That’s not true of women though is it? Women, once they’ve spawned, are never really seen as these complex types again. Instead they’re thought of as mothers first and foremost with the hobbies and careers and social lives and political activities all being nothing but add-ons which can be niftily cast aside in time to make supermarket CEOs their Crimbo bonuses.

Well thanks, Morrisons, for claiming to understand me and then spectacularly failing to put this into action. Or is that down to your ad agency? See, if I was going to chuck money at a load of ad execs I’d want them to come up with something innovative, fresh and thought-provoking. If they’d have presented me with this idea I’d have told them to fuck off back to their no doubt brightly coloured and open-plan office to come up with something that wouldn’t shit on every mother in the country. How about an ad that subverts the stereotypes? Or an ad that makes women tell their husbands to take care of the turkey? But no. That wouldn’t be money for nothing would it? And money for nothing is exactly what these guys want.

Yup, the UK will be having yet another Christmas with stereotypes strewn over it like ugly baubles. So how about “mums” joining forces to tell Morrisons where it can stick its stuffing balls by consciously shopping at stores that don’t promote these outdated notions? Now that would be one fuck of a lesson in advertising and quite possibly the best Crimbo present that any modern woman could wish for: another stride towards equality.

So what do you think about the Morrisons ad campaign? Are you enraged or not bothered? Am I getting my arse in my hand over nothing or do I have a point? Look, I’ll never know unless you get stuck into the comments box below so what are you waiting for…


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11 Responses to Shopped

  1. Anne says:

    For crying out bloody loud, did I fallasleep and wake up in 1950?

    My husband cooks Christmas dinner, as it happens. And about 95% of all the other dinners.

    • The Kraken says:

      Quite. I have never, ever cooked a Crimbo dinner and I am a 41 year old woman. It’s always my husband’s job, as are most evening meals. Morrisons is having a frigging laugh.

  2. And there’s why I won’t shop there either, or any other frigging supermarket that targets its ads at “mums”. I live alone. I have no children. I’ve never had children. But I still need to feed myself and not just at Christmas. And blow me, but I also like to feed my friends when they visit too.

    “Mum” ads basically scream “fuck off, you non-mums – we don’t care about your custom because you probably spend less and therefore don’t count”. And you know what, I’m quite happy to fuck off and take my business elsewhere, and my money.

    I’m fed up with supermarkets that forget that a whopping 25% of households are occupied by just one or two persons. And then sell everything as 3-for-2 or multipacks – totally useless for lone dwellers and lone cooks. The day supermarkets cut prices on single items rather than making you buy more than you need, and also selling small portions is the day that I might, just might return my custom.

    As long as they don’t assume we’re all fecking mums, obviously…

    • The Kraken says:

      Heh, nice one. I agree completely. My mum-in-law struggles awfully with shopping because she lives alone and it’s impossible for her to get what she needs to cook for a single person. This reminds me that before I got pregnant I was told for 20 years that I was infertile (long story) and the parent & baby spaces used to drive me fucking nuts. I’d often bang on about having parking spaces with pictures of palm trees in them to signify that only people with no kids but fabulous holidays could park there.

  3. Andy says:

    I always make a cup of coffee when I see you have a new blog post. A fine rant as usual. For the record my wife has also never made a Christmas dinner in her life as I really enjoy doing it. She knows it is one of my favourite things about Christmas.

    I don’t think I have ever seen an advert aimed at parents that isn’t condescending, cliched or just plain irritating. You are right that women get the worst treatment but there are plenty of examples of adverts that portray Dads as bumbling idiots. Have a look at these.



    One last link before I finish my coffee. I think this sums up how the advertising industry markets to women compared with men –

    • The Kraken says:

      I’m going to owe you one fuck of a lot of coffee then because I am choc full of fury. And ta for the comments and the links – I adore that Peep Show clip. You know, I hate how men are made to look like idiots as much as I hate how women have stereotypes thrust upon them. Do men really see ads like the Hyundai one and want to buy the car as a result? When men are made out to be blithering loons it’s not just offensive to men but it’s offensive to women because what these ads are really saying is that women are better at keeping house and raising the kids and doing the shopping. It’s actually astounding that advertisers get paid for this stuff and you have to wonder what world they are living in if they think these approaches to advertising are actually modern and progressive. Rarrrrgh! Hear me roar! And roar and roar and…

  4. notsupermum says:

    I haven’t seen the ad but I love your description of Richard Hammond, spot on. I cook our Christmas dinners (I’m a single parent) but even so, it would infuriate me too to see an ad focussing purely on ‘mum’ doing the cooking. I ask Father Christmas to bring me a personal chef every year and so far the fat sod hasn’t bothered.

    • The Kraken says:

      What do you expect of a strange man who breaks into your house with the specific intention of toying with your kids? If I were you I’d start asking the Easter Bunny instead.

  5. It just shows how out-of-date and out-of-touch TV advertising is. I’m amazed that ad agencies can justify their fees when they churn out crap that is so obviously missing the mark.

  6. Sheona says:

    Oh it drives me and my daughters and my (long-suffering) husband crazy.

    He does all the cooking because:
    a) I’m rubbish
    2) I get home later than he does
    iii) he’s a professional chef (yaayy)

    It comes to something when 14 year old girls are annoyed by the ads and how they portray the sexes.

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