Saatchi Great Guy

165.365 i'm giving it all to You

Holy shit on a badger’s hammock. Robin Thicke, the pop-bothering flap-mouth behind the current No 1, Blurred Lines, must be chuffed to shit with the UK’s latest development. That’s because Charles Saatchi seems to have taken Thicke at his word and, in publicly throttling his wife Nigella Lawson, has tried to create some blurred lines of his own. Yes, in the last few days it’s as if a crack has opened in the Earth’s crust and all the steaming demons in damnation have tumbled out of it.

Well, that’s the only reason I can think of for the actions of the cash-bloated, art-shagging, cancer-breathing, open wound and all-round unravelling of humanity otherwise known as Charles Saatchi. Between him and Robin Thicke womankind is being dragged backwards into an alleyway and left for dead. As a kraken of the female variety myself, it’s a bit like that scene in Rosemary’s Baby when Rosemary looks into her demonic baby’s eyes and realises the hell that has been unleashed.

First Robin Thicke is at No 1 in the charts for three weeks with a set of lyrics that makes the Yorkshire Ripper look reasoned. Then Saatchi is photographed several times in The Sunday People with his hand around his sobbing wife’s throat, treating us photos of Nigella that she never intended to be part of her domestic goddess image.

Problem is that Saatchi then goes on to createthese blurred lines by giving an interview to the Evening Standard, the paper for which he spews a column. There he describes his abuse this way: “About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point. There was no grip, it was a playful tiff.”

So typically for an abuser, not content with trying to control the mind of his wife Saatchi is now trying to control the mind of the nation, persuading it that publicly practising a wrestling hold on his missus is fun. Fuck knows who it is fun for, though. The sobbing and harrowed-looking Nigella didn’t look much like dancing on a table, did she?

Saatchi has to be fucking us with this. He really is an echo of Thicke who similarly insists that he’s just having fun when singing, “Baby, can you breathe?” I wonder if Saatchi uses the same line on Nigella? It’s the equivalent of Harold Shipman saying that he’d accidentally written the wrong prescription a couple of times.

And what’s really making me shit bullets is the nation’s response to all of this. Really, did someone creep into our bedroom during the night and erase the moral centre of our collective brain? See, rather than Thicke’s song being banned it’s bought by the thousand and kept at No 1. Rather than Saatchi being sacked from the Evening Standard, he’s allowed to give his version of a scenario that, from where I rage, is cut n dried. Oh, and Nick Griffin, the saint of the skinheads, also tweets the words, “If I had the opportunity to squeeze Nigella, her throat wouldn’t be my first choice.” Well if I had the opportunity to squeeze Nick Griffin, his throat really would be my first choice and until he’d turned blue.

And you know the worst thing about all of this? It’s that every woman who has been harassed, abused, controlled or raped is left with the message that her ordeal is up for both debate and interpretation. Imagine it, pitching up a police station or refuge only to be asked to define the word ‘slap’. Well that’s the world that Thicke and Saatchi want us to live in and while we keep giving them such platforms as the charts and the media to spaff their twisted morals, that is exactly the world that we will live in.

So you know what I’d like to do? I’d like to lock Thicke, Saatchi and Griffin in the same room and let them all fight it out until they’re dead. Imagine how blurred the lines would be in there. Throttling would be ‘fanciful’ and groping would be ‘tickling’. In fact they wouldn’t need physical violence at all. They could just confuse each other until their minds give out. Then hopefully that crack in the earth will close up again and suck every one of the fuckers right back into it.

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12 Responses to Saatchi Great Guy

  1. Jean (notsupermum) says:

    Thanks for this x

  2. Kim says:

    I couldn’t quite believe the number of people who were saying that the photos were open to a number of interpretations (of which the most fanciful was surely “he was just checking her glands”). Now I’m all for having a second source, not jumping to conclusions etc, but if ever there was a clear-cut set of pictures demonstrating a story it was these.

    Suppose Saatchi had put his hands on the throat of the serving staff, who had then been reduced to tears? Would anyone at all have tried to claim the pictures were open to interpretation? Unfortunately, we still seem to live in a society that recognises that violent assault on a stranger is wrong, but that it’s OK when it’s your own wife.

  3. John says:

    Jesus Christ on a wobbling bike! There was no way those pictures were open to interpretation. The fear in Nigellas eyes was so apparent poor lass.
    What the flying f*ck is wrong with people? It is like there has been some soporific spell cast and the majority of people are numbed by it that they can’t feel anything at all.
    Where is the outcry?? I’ll tell you why there’s none because those shady f*ckers are running the media now..
    Yet look at Turkey, Greece, Brazil.. People in their 100,000′s rising up and saying enough is enough.. No more corrupt dinosaurs telling us what to do.. Why not here?

    • The Kraken says:

      Oh, John, I like you. You are dead right. Perhaps it’s a national feeling of complete and utter defeat that’s the problem?

  4. Sally says:

    My husband and I have been together ten years. We are no strangers to disagreement and marital disharmony, but never has either of us felt the need to grab the other’s throat (with or without pressure) in order to “emphasise a point”.

    Like most people with a functioning brain, I call bullshit.

    • The Kraken says:

      Exactly darling. I can’t imagine my husband ever doing it and we’ve been together 10 years next year. It’s just utterly alien to me that this would even be done if we were larking about.

  5. Mama and More aka Zaz says:

    How have we arrived at a place where someone feels so elevated and protected in society that they can sing words for commercial and public consumption or abuse someone publicly and not have the slightest idea that they could be had up, or that actually what they’re doing isn’t right? It’s a frigging scary world out here. More normal people need to procreate and outnumber all these freaking crazies out here, and stop them infecting our children. I won’t even turn Disney on for the kids any more!

    • The Kraken says:

      Exactly. I fail to understand how we have got to a place where this is acceptable behaviour. It astounds me.

  6. Kat says:

    The bloody world has gone mad. Appalling reaction from Griffin and Nick Clegg was no better. I was shocked at work when a girl said ” I don’t blame him. I cant stand Nigella either”. How on earth can one woman condone violence against another?! The world’s gone to hell in a handbag.

  7. Lisa Turner says:

    Completely agree with this article, especially in light of the current and extraordinary outcome of the court case against Nigella’s two assistants. Disgusting display from the court and now she is apparently to be investigated for drug use. Saatchi won – the tosser.

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