Kerb Crawling

Fred-Flintstone-Barney-Rubble-CarYou know, even though I’m an angry old scrote goggling at the world around me, every day something makes me goggle even more. I now know how babies feel when they see Iggle Piggle for the first time, so overcome with shock that they immediately take a shit. That’s how I feel right now, only it’s not Iggle Piggle that’s made me fill my pants. It’s men in cars who harrass women.

See, I’ve been following closely the work of the Everyday Sexism Project and the one issue that gets raised again and again is that of blokes who leer at women from their car windows, like crack-addicted monkeys with an unbearable flea problem. And again and again it’s the same pattern: a woman is innocently tootling down the street and gets asked for a flash of her tits/ foof/ arse by a bloke who’s driving by. Oh, and don’t go thinking that age stops them either. It doesn’t. Young girls are complaining about this as much as older women. Christ knows, some girls can’t even nip to the local Spar without being made to feel as if she’s a pervert’s wet dream.

What in the spinning fistful of fuck is wrong with these men? Seriously, why is it that when they are driving along, rather than fretting over speed limits, red lights or the blather of Radio 2, they’re really fretting about finding a lone woman to holler at. I dunno, perhaps they have a radar in their heads which short circuits their ability to aim their piss into a toilet bowl yet enables them to make a girl feel like she needs to bath in bleach.

In fact perhaps it’s an actual mental illness where the guys’ sense of decency, responsibility and ability to see women as more than a collection of pokeable parts is overridden by urgent messages sent directly from their cocks by tiny, typing ferrets. It’s as if their foaming todgers are permanently on alert and at Defcon 1.

See, in all of my years of driving I have never once leaned out of a car and begged a bloke to show me his knackersack. Yes, I have leaned out of the window and begged him to get the fuck off the road because he’s driving like a donkey with an errant frontal lobe, but never for the purposes of sexual gratification. And that’s not because I’ve never seen a good looking guy strolling along a pavement. I have. Plenty of frigging times. I just don’t feel the need to grasp my mental cock and waggle it at him like a pervert hurtling at 30mph.

But then again, I am coming at this problem as a sentient being which immediately puts me at a disadvantage, what with me not actually housing my brain in a wrinkled sack that slumps against my thigh. In fact, trying to work out what makes men do this is like trying to work out why dogs dry hump their own baskets. You know that old trope about women being at the mercy of their hormones? Well, I’ll be fucked if that’s not the case with these men. One quick burst of testosterone and their cars turn into the sort of vehicle owned by the Child Catcher.

Or perhaps these fart-faced spaff-beagles think that their leering is some sort of compliment, as if women walk down the street longing for a man with a semi to tell them they have spectacular tits. I reckon that’s why, when the women they harass flip them the bird, they start yelling obscenities because they feel as if they’ve had their abundant kindness and good grace chucked back at them. Screw the fact that how a woman looks has fuck all to do with them and screw the fact that they’re taking that woman’s day and shitting all over it. I mean, a woman not wanting a stranger to tell her that she has a bangable arse? Jeez, what a slut.

All of which makes these men the equivalent of those little pools of cooling sick that you see in a town centre on a Sunday morning. If only we could turn a high-pressured hose on them every time they roll down a window and destroy a woman’s day. Alternatively I’d be more than happy to take pot-shots at the fuckers with an air-gun,, although the fact that they are in cars makes it impossible to aim for their bollocks. Still, perhaps it’s their mouths we should be aiming for because, after all, that’s how they do the most damage.


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18 Responses to Kerb Crawling

  1. Jane says:

    Smashing swearing as always, but you entirely miss the point. Why would we women spend billions of pounds we could be wasting on say, education or alpacas, if not to gain the approval of pig-shit-thick men in badly pimped Vauxhalls? Why wax, dye, tan and diet to merely live on an island of uncertainty about our beauty when we can have all this?

    • The Kraken says:

      You, Jane, are correct. And there I was thinking that women had the right to walk along a street unoffended. Doh!

  2. Eliza_Do_Lots says:

    I feel just as enraged about the topic, and have experienced much of the same myself (though in their defense my breasts truly ARE spectacular, and sometimes the need to shout it aloud overwhelms even me) and want to punch each perpetrator in the jaw with an iron fist.

    However I’m also concerned that these acts of sexual harassment are being labelled as sexism – when they are in fact more serious, in fact criminal, acts. Sexual harassment and sexism are so entirely different that though a sexist mentality may cause some morons to believe these ‘compliments’ are gifts to woman kind it does not categorise harassment nor the assault that some take this that step further to carry out, groping said spectacular breasts in bars and the like.

    I posted about this very topic on yesterday, I think you saw, and though I fully and overwhelmingly support the project I also want young women to recognise that they can and should report incidents of sexual harassment and sexual assault to the authorities, rather than just feeling a bit grubby and calling it sexism.

    • The Kraken says:

      You make a brilliant point and one that I didn’t cover in my rage. I agree utterly that these incidents should be reported but then we also have to look at how these reports will be dealt with. Until said authorities take this stuff seriously women are stuck. It’s not just about teaching men to not holleer from cars, it’s about teaching the police etc that this is an issue that needs to be dealt with.

  3. SarahB says:

    The scariest thing from reading the Everyday Sexism Project is how young some of the women are.
    School girls in uniform being subjected to obscene comments from men in their 30s, 40s and older. It is absolutely disgusting!!!

    • The Kraken says:

      I know! I find it horrifying that men are capable of accosting girls who could actually be their daughters. What in the fuck are they thinking? I really do think that they can’t think beyond their cocks because if they put their brains into gear they would surely see how grim this behaviour actually is.

  4. Rootietoot says:

    Once again I am verklempt. This is common behavior there? Maybe I live in a peculiar small town. Or possibly if someone did that, he would be seen by his mother’s Bible Group leader and told on.

  5. Can'tThinkofanAvatar says:

    I think this has a lot to do with power as I see it as a form of bullying.

    Man-in-car zooming by does not have to answer for his actions; he does not stick around for an answer to his “compliment”/question because he is not interested in it – he knows the answer will be ‘no’ or, more likely, ‘fuck off’. So, why does he bother doing it? I once confronted a car-full of men kerb-crawling after me as I walked to the chippie, asking them (calmly and rationally, for once!) if this technique had ever actually worked – had a girl ever actually joined them in the car? They were very confused, as though getting me into the car wasn’t actually the aim of following me around, asking me into the car so they could show me a good time…!

    I think this behaviour has a lot to do with ‘putting women back in their place’ – reminding females, of whatever age, appearance, occupation or background, that they will always be objects that exist purely for male pleasure. Shoving them back down into the dirt, making them feel like crap, and reminding them that men are top-dog, with the power to ruin their day however and whenever they feel like it: as a woman, you are never safe – doesn’t matter what you do/wear/go.

    The sheer number of these posts on the most excellent Everyday Sexism project where a girl/woman is “complimented” by a man in a car, but then verbally fights back, for the *same* guy to then attack her with ‘slag’, ‘slut’, ‘bitch’, etc, shows, I think, that it is predominantly an exercise to break her – if it didn’t work the first time, change tactics until it does!

    Worryingly, this would mean that this sort of sexual harassment starts to look a lot like a precursor to rape, in that it has very little to do with sexual desire, but everything to do with power.

    • The Kraken says:

      You, darling, are spot on. I should have asked you to write my blog post instead.

      • Can'tThinkofanAvatar says:

        Not at all – I may think these things as well, but you do the most important step of writing them up and putting them out there to be seen! It’s so important, and you do an admirable job! x

  6. Sarah MumofThree World says:

    Brilliant, really made me laugh! But so true! There’s nothing makes me feel more uncomfortable than a lorry full of blokes beeping the horn at me then pulling a variety of disgusting faces at me. As I run around in lycra a lot, this is not an uncommon occurrence, sadly.

  7. Stephen P says:

    When you refer to “brain in a wrinkled sack that slumps against my thigh” do you perhaps mean groin? Apart from that, thoroughly enjoyed the hyperbole, it was like a good claret. BUT…I rather suspect these men behave as they do because not all females respond the same way, or at least not the same way consistently.
    Or maybe they’re just drunk.

  8. Mike says:

    Car leeriness is revolting. However, if men stopped paying attention, no matter how disgusting and crass that attention might be, women would soon start complaining.

    A nicely dressed, pleasant but confident man approaching you in a bookshop and offering to buy you coffee still wants to get in your pants. He’s just clever enough to realise that being nicely dressed, pleasant and confident is a better approach than being a fat, slobby, slimey, boorish, uneducated twat.

    • The Kraken says:

      Women aren’t complaining about being approached by men who do it respectfully. We are complaining about men who do it disrespectfully. Believe me, women want to get into the pants of men too. They just don’t do it by hanging out of car windows while begging for a flash of a cock.

      • Mike says:

        Well that’s a generalisation. And also not entirely true. I’ve had my arse pinched, and worked in a factory full of women: They can be horrendously foul.

        People are gross regardless of gender. Women and men just go about it in different ways.

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