Category Archives: Parenting

The perils, angst and blind panic of spawning

50 Signs of Sexist Asda

So, what in the festering staggerment of a rat-nibbled, fuck-strewn turd, do we have here? That’s right, it’s a good reason for me to stand aside from my sewing machine over at Kraken Kreations thanks to a lovingly provided press … Continue reading

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Mothers’ Ruin

  You know what, kraken-lovers? Since Kraken Junior clawed her way out of my abdomen via my shredded love tunnel I’ve learned a lot about motherhood. I’ve learned that midwives only ever re-stitch vaginas to make them look like tortellini … Continue reading

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Dear Katie Hopkins

Dear Katie Hopkins At the risk of starting this open letter in a less than polite manner I feel compelled to ask you this: will you, for the love of fuck, just shut up? No, really. Shut. Up. Look, you … Continue reading

Posted in Culture, Parenting, Public, Sleb | Tagged | 5 Comments

Fatty Owls

  Oh for the love of fuck, pass me a paper bag to breathe into will you? See, I’ve had my head betwixt my knees for the last fifteen minutes and I can still feel the oxygen in my lungs … Continue reading

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Royally Fucked

You know those days when you see a headline that is so staggering that you have to check that you’ve taken the right meds? Just in case you really are hallucinating after all? Well I’m having one of those days … Continue reading

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